


Always Pretending

by hoodhoranyou



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: After, Alternate Universe, Before, First Love, Fluff, Heartbreak, Love, M/M, Radio Host Louis Tomlinson, Singer Harry Styles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2018-12-30 18:59:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12115131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoodhoranyou/pseuds/hoodhoranyou
Summary: Louis and Harry met in high school but things don't always work out. Flash forward three years and Louis is a radio intern and Harry is a rising musician. What happens when Harry walks into Louis' radio station.Or the one where Louis was closeted in high school but fell fast for Harry only to leave them both of them heart broken. Now, three years later a chance meeting may not be all it's cracked up to be.





	1. Before

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my first story. I don't have a beta so please excuse any spelling errors. This entire chapter takes place in the past. Please go easy on my small young sons they were just trying to figure themselves out.  
> Anyways enjoy this little story. 
> 
> The song they dance to is called Easy Silence by the Dixie Chicks tis a good one.

Harry’s spent the last twenty minutes hiding in his car. He has four text messages from his aunt and two missed calls from his mom. He promised them that he wouldn’t do exactly what he was doing right now. In his defense this was not only his first time back in public school in two years but it was also an entirely new school. They had both insisted that it would be better for Harry to start completely over which is how he ended up living with Aunt Louise.

 

He sighed and turned his truck off. Grabbing his backpack he got out slamming the door. Across the parking lot he could see the gym class making use of the first decent weather in days. Everyone always equates this tiny town to the Seattle of the south because of all the rain. He pulled his schedule from his back pocket and then checked the time. There was still thirty minutes left of first period and he didn’t really want to be that kid.

 

Harry walked into his new school and pressed the buzzer to enter the office. The receptionist desk was a giant horseshoe with three computers. While there were two people that appeared to actually belong behind the desk the third chair was occupied by a boy who looked a year younger than Harry. He was spinning in circles and rapidly tapping away on his phone.

 

The woman in the seat in front of the sign in sheet looked up at Harry and gave him a warm smile. “You new around here love?” Harry gave her a slight nodded and then glanced down at the sign in sheet. “Schedule please?” He passed her his schedule. “Oh, you have Mr. Lawson for first period best let you skip that today.” He breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh, lookie here you and Louis over here have second period together he’ll walk with you.” The boy looked up from his phone.

 

“I will?” She glared at him and then looked back at Harry with that same smile she had the moment she spotted him. “I guess but I have to stop at my locker first so it’s best if we leave now.” He stood up and walked around the desk towards the door on the other side of the office. “Mom I have practice after school and some of the guys and I are gonna grab food after so I won’t be home for dinner.” The woman nodded and motioned for Harry to follow Louis.

 

The school was smaller than schools he had attended before his whole class only consisted of a hundred or so kids. Maybe that would make it easier but then again Harry never had much luck. The only thing he was looking forward to was band at least there he knew he would find a few decent people. If he could just lay low the year would go by fast. Louis’ abruptly stopped walking causing Harry to bump into him. “So-Sorry.”

 

“It’s okay...you don’t say much do you?” Harry just shrugged and looked at the ground. Louis chuckled and shook his head. “Alright then.” Louis took the schedule from the other boys hands giving it a once over. “My advice to you would be to hope Mr. Lawson doesn’t call on you he’s a bit of a hardass but he’s cool. Other than that you have decent teachers you should be fine.” Louis tilted his head trying to get Harry to meet his eyes finally succeeding but not without noticing the slight blush on Harry.

 

Louis closed his locker just as the bell rang. Every door in the hall swung open releasing the entire school into the hall. Harry felt his heartbeat speed up the urge to runaway growing. That’s when Louis gripped his shoulder and began to steer him through the masses. “Over there you have the jocks if you ever need me sadly  look for them or Niall.” He was pointing at a hoard of teens leaning against some lockers laughing and the specifically to a blonde boy who looked disinterested in the entire conversation. “Over there is the band and some of the theater kids the all usually hangout in and around the band room.” One of the trumpet players was trying to gain the attention of the group around him. “Over there is the art students and that room is the ROTC room just between you and me they think they own everything.” Harry laughed a little and Louis’ face tugged into a satisfied smirk.

 

After the brief tour of the schools many cliques Louis lead him to a classroom filled with tables. “Ms. Anderson prefers that we all thoroughly discuss the reading material so she doesn’t believe in desks. I’m not sure where she is or what table she will have you sit at but this one’s mine.” Harry glanced down at the table labeled _Goalcrushers_ he looked at Louis with raised eyebrows. “It’s was Niall’s idea not mine insists it's an _epic_ name. What Niall wants Niall gets.” He chuckles and takes his seat.

 

Harry nodded and turns making his way back to the front of the classroom waiting for Ms. Anderson to entire the room. He made a mental note that his first impression was wrong because it appears that Louis older than him seeing that they were currently taking the same English class. A young woman appeared dressed like Harry’s grandma if he was being honest. “Ahh yes you must be the new student.” She turned her attention the class who promptly ceased their conversations. “Class we have a new student. Why don’t you introduce yourself dear.”

 

“Erm my names Harry...that’s it I guess.” He shrugged and Ms. anderson began looking around the room for a place for him to sit.

 

“Hmm why don’t you join Eleanor’s table they seem to have an opening.” Harry glanced at the table she pointed at that consisted of three girls and an empty chair that was to be his new seat. Two of the girls let out a giggled while the other one rolled her eyes returning her attention to the back of Louis’ head.

……

 

After class Louis pointed Harry in the direction of his next class and they went their separate ways. Harry could feel the anxiety bubbling up but he took a deep breathe and proceeded in the direction of his next class. The day seemed to pass fairly quick.

 

The lunch bell rang pulling Harry out of his thoughts and sending a shock of stress through his body. He wasn’t sure how to approach the situation of lunch especially since he has yet to make friends. Band wasn’t until later so he had yet to befriend another member.

 

He wandered towards the lunchroom finding it mildly occupied with it being the last lunch of the day. Although he could immediately pick out the group's Louis had identified earlier in the day. The band occupied a couple of tables in the corner. He spotted Louis seated at a cluster of overly crowded tables with Eleanor perched on his lap. Harry choose to set at a table that was remotely unoccupied sans a girl buried in her laptop.

 

He pulled out his lunch and the reading material for english class. When he glanced up Louis was staring at him but he quickly looked away when he noticed Harry staring back. He shook off the odd feeling in his stomach and returned to his book.

 

The band room was buzzing with people running in and out of the instrument room and yanking things out of their music cubbies. Harry entered the instrument room and made a beeline for Lucille his double bass. He doesn’t remember how she got her name but it fits well. He lifted the case up and the other bodies in the instrument room parted like the red sea. Being whacked with a heavy case is never on anyone’s bucket list.

 

The room went silent except for some whispers amongst the trombone section the moment the band director Mrs. Beckers took her place on the podium. “Alright, you guys before we begin rehearsal we have a new member joining us.” She gestured towards Harry. “This is Harry he plays the double bass which now makes us a complete concert band so thank you for joining us Harry. This year is going to be amazing and I can’t wait for the competitive season to start now let’s get to work.”

 

Music always relaxes Harry and he left school finally feeling like the year won’t be as bad as he originally thought. He unlocked his truck and climbed in from the window he can see the soccer team warming up. Louis’ bent over stretching and Harry found himself admiring his ass. It didn’t help that his shorts were a little tighter than they should have been. That was his cue to leave because the last thing he needed was to develop some unrequited crush on the school’s golden boy. Of course he could look and not touch but he always seemed to develop feelings on those he couldn’t have and he had mentally promised himself that this time would be different.  

 

When he walked through the front door his aunt rounded the corner and immediately pounced on him. “Why have you not answered any of our texts or phone calls I should not have to call the school to make sure you are alive. You have a phone for a reason bug.” After scolding him she wrapped him in a tight hug. “How was school? Classes good? Any interesting people?”

 

“It’s alright the classes are good i’m actually excited for English. Hamlet’s on the reading list and i’ve already read that one a dozen times. By interesting people do you mean boys? In that case no never again.” She laughed.

 

“Bug I know you’ve been hurt but that was one boy there are good ones out there. Now, go do your homework i’ll make dinner and then we can go to the grocery your mom left a list she has to work night shift this week.” Harry nodded turning and climbing the stairs. His room wasn’t much a few unpacked boxes littered the room, his guitars one wall, and his laptop was left open on his bed.

 

He logged into twitter and found that he had a new follower. Louis’ smiling face stared back at him and his twitter handle @tommo28 was displayed on the screen. He felt his heartbeat speed up and he slammed his laptop shut. Boys were not apart of this years plans let alone a straight one. He instead dug his homework out of his backpack and tried to focus on that.

……

 

The squeaking wheels of the shopping cart was all Harry could focus on. His aunt droning on about some shitty customer at the pub she works at. The squeaking was the only thing keep his mind distracted from the fact that there was one open register in this entire store. Or that behind that one open register stood Louis.

 

The squeaking finally stopped at the open register behind an older woman buying some vegetables. Harry tried to occupy himself with his phone obsessively opening and closing different apps in an attempt to look busy.

 

“Louis dear! How is your mother and why haven’t you been at the store recently?” It was worse than Harry could have imagined not only was he going to have to interact with Louis his aunt seemed to know him and rather well.

 

“Mom’s good and soccer has been keeping me away from the store. Hi, Harry.” Louis made eye contact and smiled an unnecessarily adorable smile. “How do you know my almost name twin Louise?” Of course he would call her his _almost name twin_. Harry was in trouble.

 

“She’s my aunt.” Aunt Louise glanced from Harry then to Louis and back to Harry.

 

“That’s gotta be epic!” Harry laughed a little and nodded. His aunt continued to be embarrassingly obvious about studying the situation that was unfolding in front of her. “Alright you guys are all set.” Louis’ voice snapped Harry out of his thoughts. “Harry i’ll see you at school tomorrow and Louise I’ll see you on wednesday for mom’s book club.” He put air quotes around book club and waved them off.

 

Aunt Louise was rather silent for the walk to the car and silence wasn’t her specialty. “Ohhh Harold.” She spoke in a sing-songy voice. “So, I see you did meet some interesting people today.” She unlocked the car and began load the groceries. “Louis’ a good one.”

 

“Haha very funny.” Harry rolled his eyes and grabbed some of the bags from the cart. “Good or not he’s also very straight. Besides we don’t run in the same circles all he did was show me where to go that’s it.”

 

“Harry.” She turned towards him with look of concern and curiosity. “You hate speaking to let alone engaging with people especially after what happened last year. Yet, you just did both of those things.” Harry loaded the last bag into the car and walked towards the passenger side of the car. “I’m not saying he’s good as in you should date him. I’m saying he’s good as in he’s a good human being and we all need some good in our lives.” He opened the door and climbed into the car.

 

She followed him into the car and began driving home. “Look he’s one person and it’s not like I can just go mute I have to at least try and act normal. Odd attracts attention and attention is not what I want.” She sighed and seemed to accept that as a proper answer.

……

 

Harry was sat at his table when Louis and most of his friends rolled in laughing and talking loud enough that not even his headphones could block out their voices. Eleanor dropped her back onto their table and moved to sit on Louis’ table. Harry mentally rolled his eyes and went back to his homework.

 

He took her returning to their table as a sign that class was about to start. He put away his things away and tried to focus on class but something felt off. When he glanced in Louis direction he was staring and not at all hiding. Although, Harry did share a table with his girlfriend so it was probably just a teens horny longing for his girl.

 

Lunch was the same though this time he made an effort to not even acknowledge Louis’ table or the fact that Eleanor again had herself draped across his lap again. He instead directed his attention to his homework. The faster he finished it the more time he would have to work on the song he had been writing. He was stuck and needed to focus his attention on it.

 

Band was actually fun because Harry was placed in the back of the ensemble he was gonna spend a lot of his time with the percussion section something he usually dreaded. However, this percussion section was full of cool people. Zayn being one of them though he didn’t speak much like Harry they had bonded over their mutual annoyance with the trumpet section. He also figured out that Liam was the trumpet player who had been seeking attention on Louis’ first day.

 

“Hey, Harry some of us are going to grab food at the diner wanna come with it would be a cool way for you to get to know the band?” As much as he hated interacting with people he knew that this was important. So, he nodded and followed Zayn and several members of the band to the parking lot. “You can ride with me and I can bring you back here when we’re done.” Harry climbed into Zayn’s mini van. Yes, a mini van. He claims that while it’s definitely not cool it does help with transporting band members and equipment. Which he’s not wrong.

 

The diner was fun and Liam was there even though Zayn claimed he was the biggest nuisance. It turns out _nuisance_ loosely translated to best friend. Something an outsider would never gather from their constant bickering.

 

Zayn dropped Harry off next to his truck. He climbed out along with several other people. Who then dispersed heading off to their various cars.

…...

 

Harry sat fiddling with the his bluetooth trying to pick a good song when a knock on his window startled him and sent his phone flying to the floor. The culprit on the other side of the glass dying of laughter. When he finally got his heartbeat back to a semi normal speed he managed to roll down the window. “Why do you drive a truck with windows you have to manually roll down?”

 

“Why do you take pleasure in scaring the shit out of people?” Louis’ raised his eyebrows his mouth curling into an amused smile.

 

“Watchout Harold’s got an attitude everyone.” Harry shook his head at the name but struggled to hide the smile that was forming. “Actually though I saw your truck still in the lot when we got done with practice and I was stopping by to make sure everything’s alright.”

 

Harry squinted up at Louis as he leaned on the car peering in the window. “I left my car here to go to the diner with Zayn and some people from band.” Louis’ face prominently displayed that smile that never seemed to fade this one though had a slight mocking tone. “Shut it.” Harry found himself staring directly into Louis’ very blue eyes. “D..Would you…”

 

A car came speeding into the parking lot stopping in front of Harry’s. “Babe let’s go!” Something funny flashed across Louis’ face but he just gestured for Eleanor to wait a moment and returned his attention to Harry.

 

“Sorry...What were you..” Harry shook his head. “Oh well I’ll see you tomorrow don’t go around sassing too many people.” Louis’ winkied. “They may not handle it as well as I did.” Harry felt his cheeks heat up. When he looked up Louis was turning to walk towards Eleanor’s car but that didn’t stop him from noticing the slight blush that graced his cheeks.

 

Eleanor drove off the minute Louis closed the car door but Harry stayed in the parking lot for several minutes after words. Completely dumbfounded. This isn’t supposed to be happening. Louis is straight while Harry is not. Louis has a girlfriend while Harry is just the new kid he pities. Louis winked and blushed while Harry blushed back.

……

 

Harry hasn’t spoken to Louis in several days but that apparently didn’t stop Louis from staring. A lot. Something he just tried to pretend wasn’t happening. But today was Saturday which meant that he didn’t have to pretend not to notice because he didn’t have to see him.

 

Saturday’s were his favorite days of the week they usually meant he could sleep in and then play music all day. Harry was sat on his bed with his guitar in his lap when Aunt Louise stuck her head in his doorway. “Hey, bug do you think you could go to the store for me? We are out of milk and bread. I have to be at work in twenty minutes and I just really don’t wanna have to go when I get off.” Harry smiled up at her and nodded. She tilted her head a little. “You’re the greatest you know that?” He shrugged and she laughed leaving him to his music.

The grocery was rather busy for the middle of a saturday not that there was much else to do. Harry placed his headphones on his ears loud enough to drown out most noises but not loud enough that he couldn’t hear someone trying to talk to him. He walked towards the refrigerator section and grabbed a carton of milk he was walking towards the bread aisle when a tap on his shoulder startled him. He heard a familiar laugh and braced himself. “Why do you have a habit of sneaking up on people?” He surprised himself by being the first one to initiate conversation.

 

Harry turned around and found those blue eyes staring up at him. It was the first time that he really noticed that despite being older Louis was a few inches shorter than him. “Why do you have a habit of being so caught up in music that you become unaware of your surroundings?” Harry laughed and pulled his headphones from his ears. “Where’s Louise?”

 

“Work so she sent me out for some rations.” He raised the milk jug a little in acknowledgement. Louis smiled that smile a smile Harry was quickly learning only meant trouble.

 

“Hmm sassy and funny who knew. Well these groceries aren’t gonna price themselves so I should probably get back to work.” Louis started to walk away but stopped turning towards Harry. “There’s a party tonight out in the field you should come with...actually you know what i’ll be around yours to pick you up at 8.” He turned back around leaving Harry shocked.

 

Parties were not Harry’s thing especially parties where a cute boy was driving. A cute boy who has a girlfriend but also seems to be flirting with him. He checked out and practically sped home.

 

Clothes littered the floor and his bed. Harry was sprawled out on the floor ready to accept defeat. “Bug? What are you doing?” Aunt Louise head was staring at him from the door with a concerned expression on her face.

 

He sighed. “Louis is forcing me to go to this party and I have nothing to wear. I don’t even want to go but he didn’t give me a choice.” Her concerned look almost immediately tugged into a smile.

 

“I have the perfect outfit!”

 

Harry was stood staring at himself in the mirror. He was wearing a white t-shirt with the cuffs of the sleeves slightly rolled up and black skinny jeans. “See all you need is a simple outfit nothing flashy. Wear your boots to give yourself a little flare and you’ll knock’em dead love.”

 

“Thank you.” She brought him in for a too tight hug. “You know he has a girlfriend right.” She shrugged and left the room. Suddenly his anxiety was at an all time high. To calm himself he sat down and returned to the cords he was working on. Music always made time slow down.

 

“Huh, learn something new everyday.” Harry jumped.

 

“Stop doing that! Notify people of your presence jesus!” Louis laughed and left his place in the doorway to enter Harry’s room. He was walking into Harry’s room. Harry’s space Louis was in Harry’s space. “What’re you doing?”

 

“What were you playing I didn’t recognize it.” Louis was now sat next to Harry on his bed. To close.

 

“Erm it’s uh something um just something i’m messing around with. ‘S nothing” Louis just sat there studying him. Harry cleared his throat. “We should uh yeah we should probably.” The other boy shook his head as if to shake away his thoughts and stood up.

……

 

Harry learned a few things during the drive to the party. One, that Louis’ kind of a shit driver and two his music taste ranged anywhere from broadway to rap to disney songs. The third thing being that he was finding it incredible easy to just be himself around him. That left him with an uneasy feeling deep in his tummy.

The party was already fairly crowded at least as crowded as an open field could be. As soon as Louis parked the car they were immediately swarmed. Eleanor was yanking open Louis’ door and practically dragging him from the car. Louis cast a glance over his shoulder and started to say something but he was gone. Disappearing into the party before he could utter a single word.

 

The crowd that had surrounded the car had vanished and Harry was left standing alone. His biggest fear at parties like this one. “Harold!!!” Harry spun around to find Zayn and Liam standing before him holding several beers. “I didn’t know you were a senior? How did you even get here I don’t see your truck in the lot…” Zayn passed him a beer as he continue to ask questions at a rapid pass.

 

“I’m not a senior although i’m in year 12 english which is probably how I ended up at this party anyway. Louis invited me he probably thought I was a senior and just assumed I would wanna go.” Liam raised an eyebrow at the mention of Louis name and took a drink. “What?”

 

“Nothing.” Liam shrugged but Harry wasn’t buying it. “I just don’t wanna see you hurt.” Now it was his turn to raise an eyebrow. “I think you and I both know what I mean.” Liam glanced to where Louis was standing with Eleanor and their friends looking rather bored with whatever conversation was taking place. He glanced towards Harry’s group as if he could sense them staring and raised his beer towards them.

 

Wanting to put an end to the tension that was growing Zayn leads the group away from the parking lot and further into the party. The party was split almost like a typical school day with the different groups sticking to their friends. Whoever was throwing this party clearly had money and very little rules. There was plenty of alcohol and the music was in Harry’s opinion mediocre dance music but for a party it fit the scene.

 

Several hours later Harry was leaning against a tree staring out at the partying trying to remain invisible. “I can still see you.” He jumped at the sound of Louis voice.

 

“Seriously Lou, make your presence known.” Louis smiled that smile that almost took Harry’s breath away. “If you make a habit of sneaking up on people one day it’s not gonna end so well.” Louis laughed and moved to lean against the tree. They both stood there taking in the scene before them.

 

“Sorry for running off she has a horrible habit of dragging me around as if I was pet meant for display.” He frowned a little and his once piercing blue eyes dimmed for a brief moment. Harry found himself staring at him searching for any clue as to why he would put up with that. “So, Liam tells me you’re a junior.” Harry’s brain yanks his thoughts back to Liam’s warning but also allows him to give a nod of confirmation.

 

“Moved a lot so I did some homeschooling for a while.” He wasn’t about to tell Louis that he spent the better part of high school in online schooling because he was scared.

 

“Huh...you wanna get outta here.” Harry stared at Louis for a moment before nodding. Louis pushed himself off the tree and made his way towards the car. Harry watched him go for a moment before following.

 

Harry slide into the passenger seat and Louis started the car. He was putting the car in reverse when Eleanor came bounding up to the car and knocked on the window.

 

“Where are you going I thought you were staying at mine tonight?” Harry stared out the window pretending not to listen to the conversation happening before him.

 

“Sorry, um there's been a change of plans...I’ll call you tomorrow yeah?” She scoffed but backed away from the car allowing Louis to pull away. Harry didn’t miss the glare she shot him before walk off towards her friends.

The car ride was silent as he maneuvered them through town. “Louis?”

 

“Hmm?” He was gripping the steering wheel and at this point Harry had no idea where they were going. Although, he could tell that something was troubling Louis but he didn’t want to pressure him.

 

“Where are we going?” Louis made a face that seemed to ask the same question.

 

“I’m not really sure...I just wanted to get out of there honestly I can take you home.” Harry didn’t wanna go home at this point he was too far in and even if something in his brain is screaming at him not to get involved his heart’s winning.

 

“Why didn’t you stay with Eleanor wasn’t it like unofficially her party anyway?” Louis grimaced and pulled over into the store parking lot.

 

“I don’t wanna talk about Eleanor.” Louis put the car in park and turned to look at him. “I don’t wanna talk about Eleanor especially when I’m with you.” He was picking at his hands doing everything to avoid meeting his gaze. “I’m a mess Harry.” He continued pulling on the skin on his hand.

 

Harry reached over and tugged his hands apart and enclosed them in his own. “You’re hurting yourself.” Louis was now staring forward in a continued effort to avoid meeting his eyes.

 

“You scare me...I know it sounds silly.” Harry opened his mouth to speak. “Please. Please let me get this out because if I don’t know then I never will.” Harry nodded and encouraged him to continue. “I don’t do feelings. I do anxiety and pretending. Pretend to love Eleanor, pretend to smile, pretend to laugh, pretend I’m not internally beating myself up everyday.” He tipped his head back into the seat and took a deep breath. “I was doing really fucking well with this pretending shit and then you showed up with your lack of dialogue and your dimples.” He let out a breathy laugh. “Fucking Dimples.”

 

“I’m scared too. Fuck I’ve spent the last two years scared.” He still had the older boys hands tucked between his own but he had finally gained the attention of those swimming pool blue eyes. “You don’t owe anything to anyone...but I can’t make myself disappear believe me i’ve tried.”

 

“That’s the thing I don’t want you to disappear. I don’t know what I want but this...” He lifted their hands up. “This is something I can’t pretend doesn’t exist.” If the car wasn’t already overwhelmingly laced with tension he might have leaned in to kiss him. “I should probably take you home wouldn’t want Louise mad at me.” He gently pulled his hands from Harry’s grip and turned the car on.

……

 

It’s been four days since Louis’ confession in the car and all they have exchanged is a few glances. Either Louis’ completely regrets everything or he is really good at pretending nothing happened. After all he did admit to alway pretending.

 

Harry was sat at his table when Eleanor wandered into class dragging Louis behind her. “Louis, we really gotta figure out what we are gonna wear for Prom.” He was nodding as she rambled on about various color choices and if they would be king and queen or not. Harry was trying not to stare but it was hard not to when you know so much but so little about a person.

 

He was leaving class when someone tugged on his arm. “Can we talk for a second?” This was probably the standard ‘I was just confused let’s never speak of it again’ conversation. He nodded and allowed Louis to pull him down the hall and around the corner.

 

Harry played with the straps on his backpack avoiding eye contact with Louis. “Harry will you look at me please?” Harry meet his stare and got the sudden urge to run away but Louis reached out and held him in place.

 

“I’m trying to figure myself out and I would really like it if you would bear with me while I do that? I’m not trying to ignore you I’m just trying to find a balance. Let me take you out, please?” Louis was talking a mile a minute and he was just trying to process the words coming out of his mouth. “Harry?”

 

“Look Lou, I like you i’ve known you for a couple of weeks and I like you but I can’t be someone’s experiment not again.” He made an effort to leave the hallway.

 

“Please, just one date nothing fancy just a chance please. I’m not out to hurt you this isn’t some experiment. My feelings are involved too.” Harry sucked in a breath and turned to face Louis.

 

“Lou.” He studied his face and mentally prepared himself. “Okay, but nothing crazy serious.”

 

“I’ll pick you up at 6 on Saturday. I promise nothing crazy simple you and me and whatever this is.” Louis squeezed his arm, turned, and disappeared down the hall.

 

The rest of the week felt like a never ending blur.

……

 

Clothes littered Harry’s floor and his bed. “Bug, this place is a mess what on earth are you doing?” Harry froze in his spot in front of his closet.

 

“Outfit I need an outfit and nothing works.” He sighed and ran his hand through his curls.

 

“Can ask why you need an outfit and why you look like you are about to vomit?” She picked up some clothes on the bed and made herself a space to sit.

 

“You can’t tell anyone...promise me you won’t tell anyone.” She nodded and urged him to continue. “Louis he asked me on a date and I have nothing to wear I have no idea where he is taking me this is probably a terrible idea and I have no clue why I agreed to this. My heart got the better of my head again.”

 

“Hold on, you need to breath and put down that shirt the color is awful. Actually give it to me you shouldn’t even own this. I think you should wear your black skinny jeans with your boots and a simple white t-shirt.” He handed her the shirt and grabbed the clothes she suggested from the various places they have been tossed. “Also, maybe this isn’t such a bad thing. You’re allowed to listen to your heart.”

 

He walked over and pulled her into a hug towering over her just a little. “Everything will work itself out. You’re allowed to be happy Harry.”

 

She left him to get dressed and silently fret over his curls.

 

……

 

Louis was standing in the doorway when he came around the corner. When they locked eyes they silently exchanged words with Louis grinning ear to ear. “You look amazing.” Louis broke the silence and moved to lead Harry out of the house.

 

When they were finally alone in the car a thick cloud of something unknown settled between. Louis started the car and left the driveway. Once they were on their way he began to open and close his mouth trying to find any words. “Could I hold your hand? M’ sorry if that’s too forward.”

 

Harry reached and clasped their hands together allowing them to settle on the armrest between them. Louis exhaled a breath he didn’t realise he was holding. “Where are we going?”

 

“I was thinking we could grab food at the diner and then maybe drive over to this really neat spot that let’s you see the whole town.” Louis chuckles. “I know it sounds cliche but I promised you nothing crazy serious.” Harry smiled a dimpled smile.

 

“It’s perfect Lou but I figured you wouldn’t want to be seen with me.” Louis gripped his hand tighter.

 

“I don’t wanna hide and who's to say we can’t blind to the outside it may look like friends grabbing food together but we know what this is. I don’t wanna worry about other people. Only wanna worry about you.”

 

The diner wasn’t super busy with most of the crowd waiting until after the parties are over to eat. They took their seat at a booth in the back away from the crowded front. “What do you usually order here I’ve only been once with Zayn?”

 

“Hmm, sometimes I get breakfast and sometimes I get a burger but tonight i’m feeling breakfast and a milkshake.”

 

Harry laughed. “Pfft, you football players and your ability to eat anything you want.” Louis beamed at him and went back to surveying the menu. “What if I ordered a burger and fries and you ordered breakfast and we split it?”

 

Louis studied him for a moment. “Are you always such a charmer love?” Harry flushed at the nickname. “That sounds good to me you wanna split a milkshake also?”

 

“Why not this entire date is already one giant cliche.” Harry giggled.

 

“I think this is the most I’ve heard you speak ever. I like it and if i haven’t already told you your dimples are cute.” The waitress appeared before Harry could respond and took their order. They ended up ordering two shake flavors in order to share them both.

 

With the food spread out in front of them they play fought over items on the plates and opened up. Harry learned that Louis had four sisters and Louis learned that Harry had one sister and used to live with his mom but moved with his aunt. They exchanged dreams for their futures how Harry wanted to be a singer if he could just learn to speak up and how Louis would love to work in radio. They bonded over their love of music and Louis laughed at Harry’s horrible jokes.

 

The burst out of the diner laughing at an awful joke Harry had just made up. Some football players and Eleanor and her friends were loitering around their cars laughing loudly. Eleanor spotted them a glared but didn’t point them out to the rest of the group.

 

The car ride to the lookout was quite with the sound of the radio filling the empty space. “Does Eleanor know?” The question startled Harry even though he was the one to ask it. It wasn’t like him to be so forward.

 

Louis tightened his grip on the steering wheel. “Part of me thinks she’s always known. She just chooses to ignore the fact and pretend that we’re some perfect couple. I let her.” He backed the car in so that they could set on the trunk and turned the car off so that only the radio was playing. “I don’t wanna talk about her. I don’t wanna think about that situation that’s something we can deal with later right now I just wanna exist with you.”

 

“Can I plug my phone. If you think my music taste is shit you can unplug it scouts honor.” Louis nodded and he hooked his phone to the ride and thumbed through his music before selecting a playlist. Fleetwood Macs The Chains floats through the speakers.

“Why don’t we go sit in the trunk well still be able to hear the music from there. Plus I promised you a view of the town.” Louis opened his car door and Harry followed behind him. He opened the trunk to reveal a blanket and some pillows spread out.

 

“I’m learning all kinds of stuff on this date but the biggest thing I think i’ve learned is that you are the biggest fucking cheese ball.” Harry climbed in and Louis followed they sat criss cross and Louis reached for Harry’s hands. Harry turned Louis’ hand over and traced designs in his palm.

 

They sat there exchanging more stories and laughing at more horrible jokes. “Where do you get this shit your jokes never make any sense.”

 

“Oh shut it you know you think it’s cute.” Louis blushed.

 

“Bit presumptuous don’t you think.” Harry laughed.

 

“Careful know that’s a big word Lou wouldn’t wanna hurt your footballer rep.” Harry mockingly flexed his muscles and Louis doubled over in laughter. “Ohh this is one of my favorite songs dance with me, please?” Louis nodded and climbed from the car pulling Harry up with him.

 

[Easy Silence](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=toFudqdohGs) floated from the car as they stumbled around in a circle. “Sorry i’m shit at dancing.” Harry shook his head.

 

“Perfect this whole thing is perfect and you’re not half bad.” They continued swaying with their foreheads resting upon one another and Harry humming along to the song before breaking out in whispered singing “ _And the peaceful quiet you create for me and the way you keep the world at bay for me the way you keep the world at bay_.”

 

Louis lifted his head from where it was resting and moved his hands up to cup Harry’s face. “So beautiful.” He presses a gentle kiss to Harry’s lips and the pulls away searching Harry’s eyes for an answer. Harry’s hand caressed the back of his neck and pulled him in crashing their lips together in a soft but wanted frenzy. The song faded into another.

 

……

 

Weeks and months went by with text messages exchanged and countless kisses that felt like powerful secrets. Louis was sat on Harry’s kitchen counter and Harry was rummaging through the fridge looking for anything to eat. “Haz?” Louis had taken to calling him that after one particularly heated makeout session. “Can we talk about prom we can’t just ignore it forever.”

 

Harry sighed but stood up straight from where he had been crouched in front of the fridge. “I thought we agreed that you were going with Eleanor. Aren’t you guys up for king and queen anyway. It’s not the big of a deal Lou we all have a kind of muddled agreement anyway.”

 

“I want you to be there though it won’t be any fun without you.” Louis pouted and Harry closed the fridge door and the room was suddenly darker. He walked over to the other boy and pushed his way through so that he was slotted between his legs and their eyes could met directly. “I know we promised her I would keep up appearances but i’m not in love with her. I-I’m in love with you.” All the noise from the outside world was gone nothing but silence surrounded them.

 

“I love you, Lou.” He presses a kiss to his forehead and then one to his nose and then finally leans in and tries to convey his feeling all in one kiss. “Prom is going to be fun okay? You’ll hang out with Niall and the lads on the team and then when you are done you can come here. We can make the night special.” Louis’ cheeks flushed at the mention of having sex of course they had fooled around but this was a big deal.

 

Harry grinned up at Louis and his dimples were out in full force. “Fuck, how could I resist those dimples.” He dug his finger into his dimple and then pressed a kiss to his forehead.

 

……

 

Harry was standing in the mirror fumbling with his tie when his Aunt appeared in the doorway. “He’s gonna flip when he sees you. I still can’t believe you kept this a secret from him.” Harry grinned into the mirror and smoothed out his jacket.

 

“I just wanted to do something for him I almost told him the other day though. He was being all pouty about me not going. This is gonna be worth it though.” He grabbed his keys off the desk and did a double check for his wallet.

 

The gym was completely transformed into a winter wonderland theme complete with snowflakes hanging from the ceiling. He spotted Louis across the room sitting at a crowded table. He made his way towards the table when he noticed Eleanor perched on his lap looking way to cozy for Harry’s comfort.

 

Harry tried to ease his discomfort and continued his walk towards the table. “Harry!” Liam appeared in front of him blocking the table. “Didn’t know that you were coming. Why don’t you come sit with us it feels like we hardly see you.” Harry felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.

 

“Yeah i’ll be over in a few just have to say hello to someone real quick.” Liam nodded and made his way to another table. Harry pulled his phone from his pocket and opened the new message from Louis.

 

_Hey I’m not feeling well so tonight may not be the best idea. I’ll call you in the morning. Xxlou_

 

Harry scrunched his nose in confusion and looked in the direction of Louis’ table. Louis and Eleanor were engaged in a heated makeout session while much of their table had gravitated towards the dance floor. Harry stood frozen unable to look away. When they didn’t show signs of stopping he forced himself to turn around and find the nearest exit.

 

He was sitting in his car unable to drive away because the tears were clouding his vision.

 

When he made it through the front door his aunt was curled up on the couch. He made his way over to her and kicked his shoes off sitting down and folding into her. She let him cry and waited until the next day to ask him what happened. Even if he didn’t have a solid answer for her.

 

……

 

Louis was leaning against the till staring at his phone willing Harry to answer one of his hundreds of messages. He hasn’t heard from him in three days and he wasn’t at school. He felt a presence looming over him and when he looked up Louise was standing in front of him.

 

“I was sent to give you this. Louis whatever happened between you guys can be fixed. You don’t find what you guys have very often. Don’t let him push you away.” She handed him the envelope and disappeared out the door. He unfolded the letter that had been tucked inside the envelope.

 

_Lou,_

 

_I’ve rewritten this letter a dozen times and you’re probably wondering why i’m not just texting you. Texting would lead to you responding and that response might not be something I can say no to. I know what it’s like to struggle with who you are but I also know far too well what it’s like to love someone who is struggling to love himself. I’ve gone back to live with my mom i’m gonna finish up school online you know me prefer the company of myself. Please, don’t try to contact me or find me or whatever. Ha, you may not even care about this letter but I needed to write this for my own sanity. Lou, I hope that you find happiness whether it’s with Eleanor (who I watched you kiss after you ditched me) or if it’s finally loving yourself. Whatever it is I hope it doesn’t involve much pretending._

 

_xx Haz_

 

Louis switched the light off at his till and walked towards the break room blinking back tears.


	2. Three Years Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Three Years Later and Harry and Louis meet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you guys so this chapter is short but I wanted to get something posted. I'm in school and so in order to keep this story going chapters may have to be shorter but that also means hopefully I can post quicker. This chapter was not betaed so please excuse any errors or if there is a glaring error let me know. 
> 
> Kudos are always appreciated as well as book marks. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the boys first meeting after the letter or was it their first meeting since then. xx

……

Three Years Later:

 

Louis’ alarm pulls him from his restless sleep. Ignoring the alarm he rolls over clinging to the warmth of the person sleeping next to him. “Louis, I swear to god if you don’t turn off that alarm.” 

 

He grumbles and sits up pulling the duvet with him. “Oi, you have to get up also i’m not the only one with a job.” He pokes the other man in the side and climbs out of bed taking the duvet with him. 

 

Jamie curls in on himself and tries to go back to sleep. “Look, boyfriend doesn’t mean babysitter get up you lazy twat.” He walks towards towards the bathroom and drops the duvet in front of the door before shutting himself in. 

 

He hears music come on in the other room as Jamie beginnings getting ready for the day. He’s been playing the same record since it came out last week and Louis’ hasn’t mustered up the courage to tell him why he hates it. 

 

Of course he loves that the boy on the record has found his voice he just hates that some songs feel like a verbal attack. Louis showers and dresses quickly when he enters the kitchen Niall is half asleep at the table with textbooks spread out in front of him. Jamie dashes out of their room pecks Louis on the cheek and leaves the apartment late as usual. 

 

“When are you gonna tell him that ‘you fucking hate’ that record? Actually more specifically when are you gonna tell him why ‘you fucking hate’ that record.” 

 

“I never said I ‘fucking hate it’ I just said that it’s not my favorite thing.” 

 

Niall rolls his eyes “your drunk self says otherwise.” 

 

“Whatever, I have to go to work and why are you awake it’s 5:30 in the morning.” Niall just groans and places his face back on the table. 

 

……

 

Louis is in love with New York he doesn’t know how he got lucky enough to live here but it’s a far cry from the small town he grew up in. He enjoys the noise and the feeling of endless possibilities.

 

The office is buzzing more than usual for 6 am on a Wednesday morning. Louis sets his stuff at the cluster of desks where the other interns sit and texts Jamie that he’ll be around for the stations daily coffee order in 20. 

 

Louis was currently 2 months into his year long internship with the biggest radio station in New York. If all goes well he may get a permanent position. Fingers crossed.

 

“Louis, staff meetings been moved to 8.” Louis nods and makes a note on his checklist. 

 

After checking his emails he takes the elevator downstairs and walk across the street to the coffee shop. Jamie helps him gather the coffees and then sends him on the way with a kiss on the cheek after Louis subtly dodged a kiss on the lips.

 

Louis liked Jamie he did but sometimes it felt like too much. He was always there ever since they got together he’s always just been there. Hovering. Acting as if their age difference made him the ‘adult’. Louis was 21 for christ sake just because Jamie was 28 doesn’t mean he knows better than Louis. He’s a barista for god sakes. 

 

The office still had that unfamiliar buzz even after he passed out the coffees and drank his tea. The staff meeting reached peak buzz factor when Nick waltzed in with a grin instead of a tired expression after his morning show. 

 

“Hello all. It’s a great Wednesday morning isn’t it.” Everyone nods while some people look around confused. “Now, some of you look confused. Well, i’ll tell you why it’s a great Wednesday morning that’s because we have snagged the top selling up and coming artist for Friday’s morning show. Any guesses.” Louis’ felt like he was going to vomit. 

 

“Please tell me it’s Harry Styles. I will just die!” Jesy piped in from the other side of the room. 

 

“That is correct my dear Jes. In fact he is here to debut his next single.” Louis spaced out focusing on anything but the conversation. “Louis?”

 

“Hm, i’m sorry a bit spacy this morning.” He flashed a fake grin trying to hide his inner panic.

 

“I want you in the booth on Friday. I know I promised you a while back that I would get you in there and well now is the perfect time.” Louis nodded and thanked him for the opportunity meanwhile he was trying to think up an excuse to bail.

 

……

 

“Lou, it’s your job you can’t just not go. Plus this is a huge opportunity you can’t let this minor issue hold you back.” 

 

“Minor issue?” Louis lifts his head from his hands and shoots Niall a glare. 

 

“Okay, fine it’s a big deal but this is your career. He is apart of your past you can’t let your past affect your future.” Louis groaned and buried himself deeper into the couch. “Harry St--”

 

“What about Harry Styles?” Jamie came around the corner and walked towards the couch forcing Niall and Louis apart from their cuddled position so that he was sitting between them. 

 

“He’s gonna be at Louis’ radio station on Friday.” Niall was staring at Jamie but also trying to see around him to gauge Louis reaction to the omission. 

 

“Are you fucking serious! Babe, you have to introduce me or get something signed. That’s fucking wild.” Louis felt like sinking deeper into the couch as Jamie blabbered on about Harry.

 

……

 

Louis was at the station 45 minutes earlier than usual so that he could get stuff done before he went into the booth. There was a sticky note placed on his computer requesting a tea with milk and Louis wanted to run. 

 

Louis stood on the other side of the window with the drink holder in his hand. Two teas with milk and a black coffee. Harry was laughing at something Nick had said dimples and all. Long gone was his baby face and he was arguably taller than the last time Louis had seen him. His hair was shorter but you could still see the curls on the top of his head. Louis had never missed someone yet wanted to run from them at the same time so much in his entire life. 

 

He was stood in front of the door out of view from the two men inside. “You do know the show starts in 5 minutes. Right?” He jumped a little at the sound of Jesy’s voice.

 

“I know.” He took a deep breath and tugged on the door handle. Both men looked up from there side of the room and followed Louis as he crossed the room to his set. He sat down and then fumbled with the drink tray. He placed the latte in front of Nick and then the tea in front of Harry.

 

They made eye contact for the first time and Harry just smiled a smile that says he doesn’t recognize. How though? Louis hasn’t changed that much sure he’s cute his hair and he has a beard but he’s still the same. 

 

“Harry, this is one of the station interns Louis. Between you and me he’s the best of the best.” Nick smiles up at Louis and Harry smiles at him as well but his dimple is absent. He knows.

 

“Hello, it’s nice to meet you.” He reaches out his hand for Louis to shake and for some strange reason he does. “Nice to meet you as well. My boyfriend’s a big fan.” It just slipped out he doesn’t know why but Harry’s grip on his hand tightens a little before he releases him.

 

“Alright, now that introductions are out of the way let’s wake up the city that never sleeps.” 

 

For the first part of the show Harry just sits and listens. Louis and Nick banter back and forth as Louis falls seamlessly into the show. He almost forgets that Harry is there. “Stay tuned because after the break we will have Harry Styles in the studio with a little surprise.” 

 

Louis fidgets in his seat throughout the entire break as Nick and Harry chat back and forth only the sound of Nick introducing Harry brings him back around. “Hellloo, thank you for having me. It’s quite early isn’t it.” Nick laughs and Harry laughs.

 

“So, Harry let’s get right to it you have a surprise for the listeners.” 

 

“I do.” Nick nods encouraging him to continue. “It’s my next single titled ‘Two Ghosts’.” 

 

“That’s right you heard it hear first Harry’s got a new song and here it is.” Nick presses a button and the mics click off and the song plays.

 

_ Same lips red, same eyes blue _

_ Same white shirt, couple more tattoos _

_ But it's not you and it's not me _

_ Tastes so sweet, looks so real _

_ Sounds like something that I used to feel _

_ But I can't touch what I see _

Louis feels like he is gonna vomit again. 

_ We're not who we used to be _

_ We're not who we used to be _

_ We're just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me _

_ Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat _

The song finishes and Louis feels numb. Of course the song probably isn’t about him but maybe that’s why it hurts so much. Harry never deserves to be hurt and the fact that not only did Louis hurt him but so did someone else. 

“Wow! Harry that song is incredible. Looks like you’ve even got Louis over here speechless and he always has something to say.” Harry nods and then thanks Nick for the compliment. “So, tell and i’m gonna be straightforward who hurt you? Or how did this song come about.” 

Harry made eye contact with Louis and held the gaze as he started talking. Louis tried but couldn’t pull his eyes away. “It’s kind of a funny story actually. This album is me telling various stories but all of the songs about heartbreak are connected to one person. This song however I wrote about 2 years ago.” 

“Is it still connected with the same person.” 

“Yeah...seeing someone you were in love with after breaking up is never fun and this song was the product of that.”

Louis’ was speaking before he could even stop himself. “What do you mean seeing someone after you broke up?” Harry stared at him contemplating his answer.

“I finished my senior year through online school but had remained friends with many of the people I went to school with. They had invited me to a graduation party. So, I decided to go even if it ran the risk of running into this boy.” 

“Let me guess you ran into him. It’s just awful isn’t it. People get to break our hearts and we still have to see them.” Nick chimed in.

“He never knew I was there but I saw him. He was different he looked out of place among the people he used to laugh with. I left before I did something stupid like talk to him.” Harry chuckled at that as if it was funny. As if he didn’t just drop a bomb into Louis’ lap. “He was still as beautiful as ever and I would let him break my heart again. Sounds twisted doesn’t it.” 


	3. Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll I'm so sorry it took me forever to get this posted but school got really hectic. Hopefully you enjoy this chapter I really enjoy writing this fic and already have the next chapter planned I just have to type it up. Good news is I have a job where I kinda just there so I should I have more time to type. Thanks for putting up with my shit update schedule.
> 
> Comments and Kudos are always appreciated. 
> 
> Much Love xx.

Harry entered the elevator and just before the doors shut his eyes landed on Louis talking with Nick. Harry didn’t know how it was possible for someone to get more beautiful. He kind of hated Louis for it but then again could he ever actually hate him. 

Liam was sitting in the SUV when he tugged the door open tapping away at his phone. “Did you know he was gonna be here?” 

Liam looked up from his phone and tried to play it off. “He who?” 

“So, you did know. Liam, you should have warned me. I went in their blind and had to pretend that the person this entire album revolves around wasn’t staring me in the face. I had to pretend I had no clue who he was. He mentioned his fucking boyfriend, Liam.”

“As your best mate i’m sorry for not telling you. As your manager you gave me no choice this was an amazing opportunity and I couldn’t let you ruin it for yourself over something that happened three years ago.” Harry huffed and leaned back into the seat. 

“Also, you’re gonna hate me but I told Nick we would meet him at a bar and there is a slight possibility Louis will be there.” Harry sat up straight and tried to stare a hole in Liam’s skull as he diverted his attention back to his phone.

……

Louis left the booth as soon as the On-Air light when off. He was sitting in the chair at his desk anxiously swiveling back and forth. “Great show today Louis you should be in the booth more often.” 

“Thanks.” He turned to face Nick and instead of focusing on him he focused on the man entering the elevator on the other side of the office. 

“You’re coming out tonight right? End of the week drinks you can bring Jamie and that funny guy.” Louis nodded and after exchanging a few details Nick left.

The bar was already crowded for 9 p.m. but Nick had already reserved a section for their group like he does every Friday night. Louis didn’t always join them for drinks but after today it felt necessary. 

Louis, Jamie, and Niall rounded the corner to the VIP section and spotting Nick and Jesy sitting amongst Louis’ coworkers. “Louis, come sit! Nick’s just ordered shots for the group and everything’s on the stations’ tab tonight.” Jesy was motioning for him to come sit next to her.

Louis shrugged off his suit jacket and laid it across the couch before taking a seat. “Why the big fuss?” As soon as the question was out of his mouth he saw the ‘big fuss’ approaching the group. Harry was wearing a black button up with a flower on the right shoulder and black flared pants. Louis was screwed. 

Behind Harry was Liam Payne who Louis hadn’t seen since school and was frankly hoping he never had to see him again they didn’t have the best relationship after Harry left. “Harold come sit and drink.” Nick patted the space next time that also happened to be next to Jamie whose eyes were bugging out of his head. This wasn’t going to end well.

“Harry mate I’m a massive fan the names Jamie.” He stuck his hand and Harry shook it in response with a dimpled unknowing smile on his face. “This one just about cuts me everytime I play your record.” Jamie gestured at Louis and Louis almost choked on his whiskey. The smile on Harry’s face faltered a little but the only person that really noticed was Louis. 

“Ah so you must be the boyfriend this one was carrying on about.” Louis wanted to melt into the couch and disappear. Jamie nodded over enthusiastically and proceeded to drag Harry further into conversation. 

Louis spent the better half of the next half hour staring into his glass and trying to focus on the different conversations floating around the booth. Eventually, he gave up excusing himself to the bathroom and climbing over the tangle of legs.

……

As soon as Louis disappeared around the corner Harry excused himself and followed him. Instead of going to the bathroom he followed Louis through the crowd and out the door. The older man still hadn’t noticed Harry following him and he stopped to lean against the wall and pull out a pack of cigarettes. 

Louis still hadn’t noticed him and he took that time to get a good look at him without being caught. He was taller than the last time he had seen him and his hair was longer and curling at the ends. His jawline was more prominent and he had the makings of a beard. Words were leaving his mouth before he could even think. “Didn’t your parents ever tell you smoking was bad for you?” Louis jumped slightly and almost dropping his cigarette.

“It’s more of a stress relief than a habit. Honestly, I haven’t had one in several weeks but I always carry a pack.” He had resumed leaning against the wall and Harry joined him plucking the cigarette from between Louis’ fingers and taking a drag. 

“Aunt Louise yelled at me for a full 45 minutes the first time she caught me smoking,” he chuckled at the memory. “Said I was trying to kill myself but then again it was right after prom and everything felt like shit. So, maybe she wasn’t wrong.” He took another drag and handed the cigarette back to Louis. 

Louis was staring him down and Harry could see the wheels turning in his head. “Fuck, you know what i’m not having this conversation. You were the one that ignored me. You were the one who asked me not to contact you. You were the one that pretty much told me to ‘fuck off’ in polite Harry Styles fashion.” Harry narrowed his eyes at him.

“Why do you get to decide if we have this conversation or not. You weren’t the one left a fucking sobbing mess. You got to keep pretending like your life was perfect while mine was falling apart.” He knew he was yelling and causing a scene but he didn’t care anymore. 

“You think I wasn’t a fucking mess. Harry, I was in love with you fuck sometimes I think I still am in love with you. Probably always will be.” Most of the employees from the station had made their way outside including Niall and Jamie. Liam had planted himself behind Harry and was glaring at Louis. 

“Louis, what’s going on?” Jamie was looking back and forth between the two of them.

“Figures you would keep me a secret that’s your one fault Lou. You always have to pretend like there isn’t a problem or that you always have your shit together. Well guess what no one has their shit together especially not you.” 

Harry turned and left leaving Louis stranded with all eyes on him. 

“You kept this from me. I thought we didn’t have any secrets Louis. We aren’t supposed to have any secrets.” Louis lost it.

“Guess what Jamie he’s right nothing’s ever perfect and I don’t have together probably never will. I don’t owe you anything.” He stomped off towards the nearest subway station away from the gawking eyes of his coworkers.

……

It was Monday morning and Louis was absentmindedly spinning in his chair when Nick leaned against his desk. “You should have told me.”

“Told you what?” Nick scrunched his eyebrows together. “Have you met me I don’t exactly go around spilling my guts. Let alone talk about being in love with some boy who now sings all about us to the entire world.” 

“I could have protected you. Sent you away from the station for the day. Not put you in the same bloody room as him.” Louis sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “He’s gonna be back in a few weeks. The station says he boosts ratings and he tried to get out of it but his team was persistent.”

Louis leaned his head back against his chair and rubbed his eyes. “Does the whole station know?”

“Know you guys were together or whatever? Yes. Which leads me to my next thing. The station really wants you in the next interview well all the interviews they - they wanna offer you a full time position.” 

“I’m still in school though and I wasn’t that good in the interview and I feel like I just got here what about the other interns.” Louis was babbling it’s everything he wanted but something doesn’t feel right.

“They’re willing to work around your school schedule which is gonna mean a lot of late nights. Louis you have the talent and the personality for this job they’re choosing the right person. I have to warn you though that whatever you have going on with Harry will come out. This is a time consuming life intruding job.” 

“I want this more than anything and at this rate the whole world probably knows about Harry and I’s screaming match outside of the club. What have I got to lose.” 

……

“Young Harold it’s good to have you back in the studio with us and with another exciting announcement.” Louis was sat across from Harry and Nick it’d been a few weeks since they had seen each other but somehow they had come to a mutual agreement that the less they acknowledged one another the better. 

“Yes, i’m rather excited about this one.” Harry was fiddling with the piece of paper in front of him a bundle of nerves.

“Well get one with it then.” Louis piped in. Harry looked up at him and offered a small smile sans dimple. What was happening. “I will be starting my first headlining world tour in October.” 

“That’s massive congratulations. We can’t wait to have you back here in New York in December just in time for the holidays.” Nick was beaming at Harry as if he was a long time friend and not someone he had just meet a few weeks ago.

“Yes, Christmas was always my favorite time of year it’ll be wonderful to play a show here in New York before heading home for the holidays.” Harry was staring at Louis making him fidget in his set.

“On that note thank you for joining us Harry we cannot wait to see you for the holidays. Have a wonderful morning New York here’s Lea at midday for all your break time music needs.” Louis took his headphones off and placed them on the table by the mic. Nick was out of his seat and out the door before anyone could say anything. 

Harry and Louis exited the booth at the same time. Louis could see Harry out of the corner of his eye tugging on his lip as if he was trying to come up with something to say. “Look, Lou.”

“Please if you’re gonna yell at me don’t call me ‘Lou’ believe it or not that hurts.” Harry scrunched his nose but continued talking.

“‘I shouldn’t have yelled at you that was wrong of me. I don’t know what I expected honestly. I certainly didn’t expect to see you here. The last time I had asked someone where you were they had told me you had just moved here.” Now, Louis was confused. “I know it’s bullshit I asked you not to contact me yet there I was trying to keep tabs on you.” 

“Actually, yeah it is bullshit but it’s not like I wasn’t doing the same thing but then it got to the point where you were hard to escape. Proper rock star you are.” Harry laughed and Louis saw just a hint of his dimple. He was dead meat. 

“Can’t say I didn’t miss you a little.” 

“Harry…”

“No, I know you have a boyfriend I think what I mean by miss you is that I miss how easy it is for me to just tell you everything even if I’m yelling at you outside a club at 1 in the morning.” They had stopped outside of Louis’ office and they were both fidgeting heavily aware of the odd mix of comfort and awkward that hung in the air.

“Have lunch with me before you leave.” Louis’ voice had betrayed his mind asking before the thought was properly evaluated. 

“Yeah, alright.” Harry grabbed the phone that was in Louis hand and typed in his phone number before placing it back in Louis’ hand and turning to continue down the hall.


	4. Still In Love?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, 
> 
> So first off I am so sorry. I sorta dropped the ball with this one but I think we are back on track. So, hopefully that means no more disappearing acts. However, that does mean that this update is super short. Mainly because I wanted to give you guys a taste of what's to come and to inform you that I am indeed alive. School just got a little crazy and then I went home for Christmas and ended up working a lot. I hope you can forgive me. xx

“Harry you’ve been cheesing at your phone for the last 3 hours. What are you doing?” Harry was sprawled out on the couch trying to suppress his smile but it wasn’t working.

 

“Talking to an old friend ‘s all.” Liam scrunched his eyebrows but leaned back into Zayn who was passed out after a major tattooing session with another high profile client.

 

“Harry…”

“Look I know but something's different. He’s different but still the same. He still makes me laugh.” Harry went back to his phone.

 

“God, you’re still in love with him.”

 

“Never said I wasn’t”

 

“Harry he’s got a boyfriend.”

 

“Yeah and I sleep around so what.” Liam rolled his eyes and snuggled closer into Zayn shutting his eyes.

 

Harry focuses back on his phone where Louis has just sent him a string of silly emojis. “Harry just be careful okay? An for your own sanity don’t try to interfere with his relationship.” 

……

 

“Hey, love how was work.” Jamie leaned over the couch and planted a kiss on Louis’ cheek.

 

“Ah, it was alright interviewed Harry again.” Jamie stood up straight and walked around to sit on the couch next to Louis. 

 

“So, are you gonna tell me or am I just going to have to find out more information through screaming matches between you and another rockstar I didn’t know you knew?” Louis’ phone vibrated on the table lighting up to display Harry’s name. Jamie glanced at and the refocused his attention on Louis. 

 

“He had just moved to the town I grew up in. I wasn’t out of the closet yet. We had a small fling that’s it.” What he couldn’t say was how in love he was with Harry how in love he may still be with him. Jamie seemed to accept this answer.

 

“So, you guys are on speaking terms again?” Louis nodded. “That’s cool he seems like a good dude.” Louis nodded again because it’s true Harry was probably the best dude. 

 

“Yeah, I asked him to get lunch before he leaves town. That’s probably what he was texting about.” They had already agreed to meet tomorrow and in reality Harry had probably responded with another very terrible joke. 

 

“Sweet, let me know when we are meeting him.” Jamie patted Louis’ thigh and stood up. Louis picked up his phone and sure enough there was a terrible joke about avocados. 

 

“Um, we are gonna meet tomorrow around 1 for lunch so you’re probably gonna be at work.” Louis fend a sad face and returned his attention to Harry’s joke.

 

“Actually, I’m off at noon tomorrow since I picked up an extra shift this weekend.” Jamie smiled and walked into the kitchen. Louis smiled back pretending that it was perfectly okay that his current boyfriend have lunch with him and his first boyfriend.

 

_ Harry: _

 

_ So, Jamie kinda just invited himself to lunch. I hope that’s okay but say the word and i’ll figure out how to make him stay him. Maybe i’ll cook for him that always seems to put people out for a few days. x _

 

**_Lou:_ **

 

**_Dear lord please don’t cook for him no one should be subjected to that kind of pain. Besides the more the merrier. x_ **

 

……

 

“Harry...Harold...H...HARRY!” Harry jumped a little from his place on the couch he had gone too quiet several hours ago.

 

“Why are you yelling it’s too late for that.” Liam was flopped on the bed having left Zayn to sleep off the day in their room 

 

“First of all it’s barely 8pm and secondly what is wrong with you one minute you were laughing and the next you go quiet on me?” Harry shrugged and flipped through the channels on the tv.

 

“I’m meeting Louis for lunch tomorrow and he’s bringing his charming and way too old for him boyfriend.” 

 

“Harry.” Liam propped himself up on his elbows and was staring at the back of Harry’s head. “Look, I don’t wanna see you get hurt. An if this is gonna be too much you can cancel. I don’t wanna be that guy but you have to remember that you’re the one who cut him out.” 

 

Harry whipped his head around and was glaring at Liam. “Don’t you think I know that. Fuck, i’ve been dealing with that for three years. Don’t you think I wanna know why. Why, he ditched me for her. Why, he still ended up so well off. Why, I can’t see to shake being in love with him.” 

 

Harry was crying the first real tears he had cried since the night of prom. He was supposed to be tough now. Show no emotion only through his music. Never cry. Especially not over boys with blue eyes that he wants to drown in. 

 

Liam got up from the bed and sat down next to Harry pulling him in and letting him sob. 


End file.
